As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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