so explain again why im purple
no
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
