Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
