is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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