I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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