i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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