wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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