yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
