My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
