i was born a porn star she said
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need to sanitize my soul.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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