We won't sleep together?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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