White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My feet surprised me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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