So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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