Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
