So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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