i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
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My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.