i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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