we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
