The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
