I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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