wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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