Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The power of my boobs compel you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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