Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
