you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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