Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
