I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
