We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
