it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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