That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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