No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
