ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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