im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
