I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
