Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize