apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
