I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
