i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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