Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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