His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
