So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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