I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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