I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
