I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
