The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
