sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
