OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Randomize
