i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
