and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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