Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All the doctor said was why
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
