What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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