I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
