Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have aggressive nipples.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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