maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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