brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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