Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
