He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
