is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
