batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
worst night to have a conscience
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My vagina is officially offended.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
