And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
