maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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