My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize