Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize