just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize