Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
